I spent much of the pandemic fighting a battle inside myself. On the one hand I played with the idea of really going full throttle, tapping into the deepest parts of my creativity, envisioning how productive and lucrative that could be during a time of such solitude. On the other hand I resisted the urge, reflecting on whether my ideas of productivity and “Girl Boss” proclivities were rooted in consumerism and capitalism. Throw a pregnancy and a work furlough in the mix and well, if you look back at my 2020 blog posts you’ll see what frame of mind prevailed.
Though I wasn’t writing consistently on the blog that didn’t mean I wasn’t documenting my life in some way, finding ways to tap into my creativity or questioning where my creativity lay dormant. There seemed to be a fire burning deeply within my soul and it came out in ways that creative fires expose themselves…randomly. I began by leading a book discussion on the creative almanac “The Artist’s Way” and lead heartfelt conversations on new social media app “Quilt”. I even started a new vlog on YouTube aimed at expanding my reach and facilitating a more intimate connection with people on the internet.
All of this to say, I’ve been gone but haven’t disappeared. All of these thoughts came crashing down on me as I looked through pictures I’d captured of myself in 2020. Specifically my baby shower. Had there not been a pandemic I’d have blogged it add-nauseam. I’d have taken you along on the many ideas that swirled in my head around themes, color schemes, food choices, party locations. I’d have built mood boards and had introspective thoughts around motherhood at 41 and what celebrating that means when you’d never really thought you were the mothering or baby shower type.
I didn’t write those posts here, but I lived those posts in real life. What saddens me is that I don’t have anything concrete in the form of words to commemorate that time. I do however have pictures. Soooo many pictures. Pictures that I’ll dump here along with a video (my new creative venture) of the celebration of my very first Mother’s Day.
