3 Lessons Volume 2

I  know I’ve started and stopped blog series idea’s I’ve had many times throughout my 4 year tenure on this blog. First of all HOLY CRAP it’s been 4 years, let’s take a moment to appreciate that! Secondly, I really have the best intentions to keep up with blog series but you know…life! However, this 3 Lessons series is one I really love and look forward to doing so I really think it’ll fare better than the others. Mainly because writing it, causes me to slow down and really reflect on my week and the things that happen to, and impact me. I find myself paying closer attention to how I’m feeling, my emotional triggers and the things that bring me joy and happiness. It also gives me a reason to break out my phone and capture these moments so that I don’t forget or diminish them. So without further ado, here are my 3 Lessons from the week spanning January 15 -21, 2018.

Brunch is a weekend staple for me, hell I have a workshop every Saturday that falls right at brunch and I’ve purposely made it that way because THIS girl loves her a good brunch! So I was especially excited to try out Perch a brunch spot that’s famous for not only its brunch but its prime Downtown Los Angeles rooftop location. I’ve been told getting a seat here is next to impossible on the same day so I was super excited to learn that I would get to try out this hot spot with little to short notice. To say I was disappointed is an understatement.

Now I’ve got to put this disclaimer out, I have NEVER in the history of this blog written something negative about an establishment. In fact I’d much prefer to ruminate on the places I LOVE (hello you, you and you) in hopes that you can draw some joy from them as well. Also, I’m just one of those people who if I have a negative dining experience I’d much rather just suck it up and never step foot in said establishment again. However, this experience bothered me so much that although I didn’t express my dissatisfaction to management (I tried to no avail) I felt compelled to come to the one place that I feel I do have a voice, to let that be heard.

It all started when I ordered a mimosa from the good-looking blond bartender. The bar was a bit hectic so it was no biggie that he didn’t immediately notice me as I was standing there. I casually said “Hi can I order a mimosa when you have a minute”. Bad idea, because he looked at me with a distaste that immediately let me know this wasn’t going to be a pleasant experience and said “Yeah in a minute”. Still calm but a little taken aback by his curtness I said nothing. He poured my drink, which looked oddly darker than the other mimosa’s I’d seen. I tasted it and thought to myself this is straight up orange juice. However I paid the $11.00 (and tipped 2 bucks) and went on my way not wanting to cause a  scene. My friends however after seeing and tasting my drink encouraged me to go back and make sure he knew that I’d ordered a mimosa. Perhaps it was a misunderstanding. So I thought yeah, maybe that was the case and went back and causally said ” is this a mimosa with champagne” to which he replied “well what else would go in a mimosa”. I was so shocked and embarrassed as I felt all eyes on me from other patrons at the bar. I said “well it tastes like straight up orange juice” as I began to walk away he said “I can just make you another”. I took the upgraded drink (which by the way confirmed that I’d been given straight orange juice prior) and stewed in anger at what had just happened. As I was standing there and trying to understand my feelings, I think the resounding emotion was that I’d felt insulted. That if I had just gone with the flow and not said anything(which he was anticipating), this guy was comfortable enough deceiving me and not giving me what I’d ordered because of whatever feelings he had about me and our short encounter. I was questioning over and over what I’d done to make things go the way the went, wondering what the motivation was and feeling that my patronage at this establishment wasn’t valued. Reluctantly and at my friends urging I went to the host stand to talk to management. After the host called a manager over the headset he was wearing, I stood at the host stand for what seemed like forever and no one came over to speak with me. Even after we were seated I never heard a peep from management or even an acknowledgement that I was waiting.

In thinking about this experience and in my 3 Lessons series on this blog I was determined to take a lesson from it. Aside from never going back to Perch again (believe me the experience with the bartender and the stuffy vibe of the whole place assured this), I learned that when I feel mistreated it is my responsibility to speak up. In the past I haven’t wanted to be labeled a bitch so I thought my silence may change the perception for someone else. But honestly, if that is the perception someone has, my silence won’t change that. If it’s important enough to me (and this is something I have to weigh in each situation) it is important enough for me to use my voice for the very fact that I have one and it wasn’t long ago when I wouldn’t have had a voice. Speaking up in certain situations, especially ones that leave you feeling ill-treated is cathartic and you should do it, not just in the interest of yourself but because you may be teaching someone else a lesson in objectivity as well.

My Sunday perked up after brunch when we went up to the rooftop bar above Perch. The bartenders there were accommodating and the vibe was way more my speed, which was why I look so happy in the above images 🙂

So I was in Manhattan Beach doing a little shopping with Jaimie this weekend and I was reflecting on (among many other things) how much drinking plays such a role in my life socially. So much so in fact I think there are emotions that I haven’t tapped into in a while. I get so worried about not having a good time while I’m out or feeling socially awkward or disinterested that I drink to enjoy myself. While we were in Manhattan Beach we stopped at a bar and I ordered this HUGE mimosa but I had no interest in finishing it because I was just really enjoying the feeling of being completely sober with my best friend and business partner. It was a feeling that I’m a bit embarrassed to say I had not felt in a while. Which got me to thinking about all of the other emotions I hadn’t felt in a long time. Like a sense of wonder, or genuine excitement. Have I been medicating and too afraid that I wouldn’t naturally feel these things that I drink just to ensure I feel SOMETHING? Is drinking such a ritual  that I do it without even thinking? Has drinking become a reward system? I’m attempting to be more intentional and ask myself these questions before I drink. The answer as of now is – yeah it has been all of that. The lesson is asking myself why before I reach for the drink and at least attaching the reason before I decide to do it nor not.

Personalized gifts just really turn me on LOL! My friend got me this Champagne with a personalized label and forgot to give it to me at Christmas. When she finally did I was absolutely over the moon with shock (I never knew you could create your own custom champagne label) and gratitude (there is a person who knows and love me enough to do such a thing). If I was able to draw so much joy from a personalized gift, this is definitely something I will pay forward!

So peeps what are some lessons you’ve learned from the week? I’d love to know in the comments below!